Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
your room smells of hookers.
And success
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
