At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
