Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Randomize
