sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
