I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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