Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
