honey bunches of taint.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
