I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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