Farmville is her only friend.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
