Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
