Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
