I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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