she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
