dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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