onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
