I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
