Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
