SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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