Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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