yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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