apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
