please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Can you bring me the toilet please
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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