Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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