addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
