The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
