wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
