I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
