He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
