so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
