it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
