Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
