I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
