True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
