I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Randomize
