I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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