1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
