I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
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How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
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