yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
