Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
