So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
