So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
