just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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