yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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