If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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