her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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