alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
