You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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