I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
