I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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