Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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