Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
