My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
