so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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