I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
